Vyr's Stories   |  Stories Vyr needs to tell.
Mel 04: Mel Goes on IRC
updated: 2019-05-13
words: 858

“Hey, Mel, what exactly do the L450 and L500 do?”

“they’re Multipurpose Cards.”

“Yeah, I know what it says on the box, but what do they do?”

“hey, man, i just work here.”


Xecret: SoulStealerMel: haha i found you
SoulStealerMel: do i know you
Xecret: you're SoulStealerMel
SoulStealerMel: yes congratulations that is my screen name…?
Xecret: you wrote the CloverMPC utility for the L450/500
SoulStealerMel: yes…?
Xecret: hey how come there's no FreeBSD package
Xecret: you have packages for like every Linux distro
SoulStealerMel: because nobody uses FreeBSD except… like… Sony?
SoulStealerMel: idk if you've noticed but there's nowhere to plug an L500 into a PS4
Xecret: even Alpine. even Android! wtf
Xecret: but not FreeBSD. do you have something against it
SoulStealerMel: seriously waste of my time dude
SoulStealerMel: i mean if you're horny for BSD go ahead and package it yourself i'm sure the other five remaining BSD bros will give you like a whole bunch of high fives and handjobs
SoulStealerMel: but i am a simple girl and that just doesn't do anything for me sexually
Xecret: wait shit you're a girl
SoulStealerMel: what did you think Mel was short for
SoulStealerMel: was it Melthew
SoulStealerMel: Melliam
SoulStealerMel: ooh wait Melcolm
Xecret: fine i'll just open a bug report somebody else can do it
SoulStealerMel: did you think it was Melcolm
SoulStealerMel: star of Melcolm in the Middle
Xecret: there's no need to be a bitch about it
SoulStealerMel: well there is *now*
Xecret has logged off.
GaryGrayscale: SoulStealerMel: damn, boy got schooled
SoulStealerMel: GaryGrayscale: so perish all who consort with beasties, Arch 4eva XD

Mel’s still annoyed from this morning. the nerve of that guy, really. if he’d submitted packaging instructions, maybe, but the dude was just demanding.

she pages through some of the more arcane GCC cross-build options til she finds something she likes the look of. a few hours later she feeds the result into fpm, and the output of that into the public binary artifact repo. then she logs into the company’s engineering Twitter.

ENCOM is pleased to announce official packages of CloverMPC for the most common BSD distribution. To all of our BSD L450 and L500 users out there, thank you for supporting us! You can download directly from: https://encom.test/support/artifacts/clover/72/CloverMPC_macOS_mojave-72.1.0.pkg

Xecret: okay… i admit it. i lolled
Xecret: look i'm sorry i was such a dick last week
SoulStealerMel: okay that's a start
Xecret: my girl dumped me. on valentine's day.
SoulStealerMel: i didn't mean the start of a therapy session but also
SoulStealerMel: ouch
SoulStealerMel: another reason not to use BSD
Xecret: are you for real
SoulStealerMel: i am extremely real
SoulStealerMel: but lol if it makes you feel any better my last relationship ended abruptly too
Xecret: sorry to hear that
SoulStealerMel: actually my last few
SoulStealerMel: the L Series is my boyfriend now. it won't disintegrate on me
Xecret: no shit, my ex said i was spending too much time with my work too
Xecret: it's this whole engineer life
SoulStealerMel: maybe yeah
Xecret: *sigh*
SoulStealerMel: you ever date another engineer?
Xecret: lol who, there's like two at my whole company and they're both married
SoulStealerMel: :3
Xecret: lol what
SoulStealerMel: we're both single af, we've already had our first fight so that's outta the way, plus i know you work somewhere that can afford Multipurpose Cards so you gotta be loaded :3
Xecret: haha
Xecret: i mean yeah pay's not bad here ;)
SoulStealerMel: actually wanna cyber
SoulStealerMel: i am 100% serious it's like way past EOD here and i'm WFH anyway and i'm bored and it's rainy and my roommate's using the Switch
Xecret: wow mostly same and also i just got a MUSH flashback so hard
SoulStealerMel: no shit? your GitHub photo does not look like someone who played MUSHes
Xecret: …thanks?
Xecret: i was a mod on two actually 8)
Xecret: let's do it, it's been forever
SoulStealerMel: yay!
SoulStealerMel walks through the door of the downtown hotel bar. her long brown hair and grey jacket are soaked thru from the rain and clinging to the thin white dress underneath. her white heels click on the tile floor.
Xecret watches the woman cross the threshold. If anyone could use a drink, it's him, but this dame rates a close second. He reaches into a pocket on his pinstriped suit for a few folded bills, beckons the bartender closer. "Two hot buttered rums and a bowl of the spiced nuts. Stick around."
SoulStealerMel slides into the only other empty stool at the bar…

oops. she didn’t know it was possible to do… that… over TCP/IP. but the glow of soul energy is unmistakable. she arches her back, slips one hand into her tank top. mmmm. Xecret was all talk, but not in a bad way at all, really. the other hand slides south of the hem of her pajama pants, begins to glide over her panties.

maybe it’s an IPv6 feature? she’ll have to ask Dad later: surely whoever designed that thing is back Home by now.


Xecret: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
GaryGrayscale: SoulStealerMel: MEL YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T A DM RIGHT ><
SoulStealerMel: :3