Vyr's Stories   |  Stories Vyr needs to tell.
Off Label
updated: 2019-02-18
words: 777

take as directed

“It didn’t work, Jessica!”

“What are you talking about? Charlie’s totally feminized. I saw those pictures you sent me. He’s a blonde bimbo just like my coven leader promised. Selene’s potions always work, Veronica. He’ll be out of the way for that director position in Design in a week or two.”

“I mean, Jess, it didn’t work. Remember how Charlie was always this hunched-over awkward depressing manchild that nobody wanted to be in a meeting with? She’s changed. She was supposed to be confused and embarrassed even more, but she’s actually confident. She runs meetings now. She got the weekly sync with Engineering done 15 minutes early, and you know what those brats are like! And she’s nice! I saw her hugging the CEO’s EA in the mini-kitchen yesterday! Sharon hates everybody! I’m telling you, something went horribly wrong.”

“Calm down, Ronnie. It might take a while but there are other effects. The potion should have amped his vanity up to eleven. He’ll be wasting all his time and money trying to look better than real women but failing at it.”

“Yeah, no, I’m not seeing that. I am seeing her at my gym. She was there again this morning. Damn the company fitness plan! And she’s still heavy, yeah, but she’s actually tall. She’s got a few inches on most of the trainers here. I thought she’d been bimboed so bad she was wearing heels to the gym, and I had a moment of hope, Jess, one single moment, but actually she’s in running shoes and standing up all the way straight. I am so fucked.”

“Okay, okay, don’t spiral. Maybe he needs another dose or something. I’ll talk to Selene. Meanwhile, just keep watching. He’s bound to fuck up somehow.”

side effects

“You dyed your hair,” is all Veronica can think to say as the putative bimbo towers over her desk. The masses of blonde curls are now masses of royal purple curls, surrounding the broad, friendly, slightly freckled face of her rival. Oh Goddess, Veronica thinks. She knows. Here it comes.

“Well, it was easier since it all suddenly went blonde… So hey. Veronica. Given that I’m moving up and sideways and we’re not in the same org any more. Would you. Umm. Want to get dinner sometime?”

“What!?” Veronica’s jaw drops.

Charlie turns bright red pretty much immediately. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, forget I asked, I shouldn’t have assumed—”

Veronica looks around; it’s late, there’s nobody in this part of the office except for the two of them. “Oh my Goddess, why are you so loud. H– How did you know I was bi? I’ve never told anybody here.” She doesn’t think even Jess knows. It’s not something she really felt like sharing at work.

“I didn’t. Well. I hoped. Lucky guess?”

Nobody’s that lucky, Veronica thinks, but at this point it seems like karma’s wheels are turning and she can either roll with them or be reduced to a fine paste. And it’s been a while since she’s so much as held hands with a girl. So what she says is “What did you have in mind?”

“Ceviche and tapas, Mar Azul, 7:30 Friday night?”

Veronica looks down at her desk, then up at Charlie. All the way up, because damn, she’s tall. Her black and white striped dress shows modest but promising curves. She’s eager as a puppy. Her heart is hanging in this moment. It’s cute. “I do like ceviche…”


“I don’t make mistakes,” Selene says into the cell phone. “You told me you needed something to bimbo-ify some asshole guy. So I brewed you a potion that would have worked fine — if you’d slipped it to a man!”

The voice on the other end of the cell mutters something.

“Well, ‘he’ my pasty white butt, she doesn’t sound like a man to me. We have got to work on your second sight. Maybe your actual sight.”

Further imprecations from the voice.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. About one in a thousand, and that might even be low. You can’t be happy for her or for your friend? Look. Skip the next coven meeting if you’re going to be like that. It’s unbecoming of an acolyte. Don’t be a transphobe, Jess.”

The little witch hangs up and turns to her huge white cat. “C4. Take a note. Jess is out for next week… we might have finally gotten Ronnie laid… and see if you can find me Charlie’s phone number.”

The cat yowls.

“Well, I didn’t know either. But the job’s giving people what they actually need, so we did okay, boy. We did okay.”